Be Courteous

(1 Pet.3:8)

The word "courteous" originated from court‑like or polished manners, relating to the courts of kings, and implied being well‑bred and polite, accompanied with some degree of dignity. True courtesy, however, which involves not only politeness but genuine consideration for others, springs from kindness of heart, and no training in the courts of royalty can produce the gracious and humane spirit which is the product of the Christian faith.

In this highest and noblest meaning of courtesy, our lives should reflect the character of Jesus, who was considerate towards all whether men, women or children. Even on the few occasions when He spoke with severity, He still had in mind the highest consideration for those He reproved, and would have delivered them from themselves, had they been willing to listen to Him. Yet how we fall in this respect in thought, word and action, in our contact with each other. No wonder Peter exhorts us "Love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous." (1 Pet.3:8)

A quiet tone of voice and manner always accompanies courteous speaking, and we may be sure that when we get heated and tend to adopt a louder voice than usual, it is urgently necessary to put a strong check upon ourselves; we must calm ourselves and lower our voice. At once our language will become more mild and affable. We never gain anything by shouting and dogmatism, except what ends in defeating our own cause. In all our relationships and walks of life we need the meek and quiet spirit, which God can work in us to enable us to work it out in our association with others.

Sometimes good breeding demands that we should remain silent. Circumstances may arise where to speak honestly we would be obliged to say unpleasant and disagreeable things. Provided there is no moral need to speak, we shall not lose face by keeping quiet. Silence is often far more eloquent than the strongest language. It can be the best answer to a question, or the most effective reply to an unjust remark or piece of scandal. Silence rebukes the speaker by forcing him to re‑consider his words, and it can be the only way of allowing the voice of God to speak directly to the heart, when human tongues have ceased.

We can show courtesy by being silent and permitting someone to talk while we listen. It takes a nobler mind and more humble heart to listen intelligently and with sympathetic interest, than it does to talk. We can help others just by listening when we could not help them in any other way. They do not want to be talked to, they are not asking for advice, and they are not seeking instruction. They just want to unburden themselves, and by listening we can bless and uplift them without their realisation of the fact, for there are few people who are willing to forego talking and be content with listening.

The habit of interrupting others, or talking while others are talking, is both rude and discourteous, though it may not be so intended. It almost amounts to saying "You shut up and listen to me. You are saying nothing of any importance." Some people want to do all the talking; we can never talk with them; we are expected to listen. This ignores the rights of others completely, and it is most inconsiderate. When we have to listen to something we do not believe, whether privately or in a meeting, let us give sympathetic attention and courteously wait our time. Then we must not rush impetuously and aggressively to challenge the speaker, nor assume an air of superiority or contempt, but be kindly and dignified even in our disapproval, trying to keep in mind that our own ideas may not be always correct.

In what sense can we be courteous in thought? We often misconstrue a word or an act by our arbitrary interpretation of it. True courtesy should lead us to put the kindest construction upon it that is possible. It is so easy to do just the opposite and view it in the worst aspect, yet how we would resent being treated in this way ourselves. We are very ready to excuse our own failings; let us exercise the same faculty for the benefit of others. "Judge nothing before the time," (1 Cor.4:5) but by justifying and excusing one another in our daily walk and conversation, we shall feel neither harsh nor censorious towards them, nor tempted to treat them accordingly.

As Peter joins love and pity with being courteous, we must be prepared to forgive generously. We should not make any reservation, but with the fullness and magnanimity of God, forgive one another even as God for Christ’s sake has forgiven us. He forgives and remembers no more; He casts all our sins behind His back. He blots them out and washes them away, abundantly pardoning and making us as white as snow. It is our relationship with God that is made the basis for the exhortation to exercise the spirit of magnanimous forgiveness.

Courteous in action is usually considered to be certain forms of politeness such as deference in greeting others, holding doors open, and a pleasant obliging manner generally. We must go beyond this, however, and be sincere in all our actions, not making extravagant professions that we do not mean, nor seeking after effect, but acting from a true heart in all honesty of purpose. We should endeavour to make our greetings something we really feel, and thus they will become a real pleasure both to ourselves and to others, and not a strained conventionality. Sincere greetings and sincere service will win and retain for us a lasting respect and love.

If we would be sincere in our service, we must serve unselfishly in the true spirit of service, and not for reward or self‑seeking. It is not the highest form of service that asks beforehand "What shall I have, therefore?" It is when we do it as unto the Lord, not looking for thanks, appreciation or reward, but merely that we please God; then it is that we shall be recompensated at the resurrection of the just in overflowing measure according to God’s riches in glory. Even though we may be receiving wages for our labour, and be dependent upon them, we may still do all things as unto the Lord and not unto men. Our highest and most coveted reward is to please God.

Courtesy will render to all their dues; respect to whom respect is due, honour to whom honour. It will owe no man anything but to love. Whether to a little child, or an aged person; in public or in private; in the family, in business, in the street, in the church; we should be always kindly and considerate in our manner and in our speech. If at all times and under all circumstances we are ready to concede respect and deference to all with whom we have dealings, we ourselves shall merit and receive respect and deference from those to whom we have extended it.

How glad we shall be in that day when God’s people are revealed in glory and exaltation, that we have been able to show them true kindness and genuine consideration in their toilsome journey toward the heavenly city. With what joy shall we hear how we have helped and comforted them in their pilgrim way by our loving courtesy and thoughtful attention. What an incentive this should be in our contact with all kinds of people, to manifest the beauties of a Christ‑filled heart, by the simple yet effective courtesy of a loving spirit, by which we shall be able to entertain many an angel unawares

Forest Gate Monthly

Life is short, but there is always time for courtesy. The greater the courtesy, the greater the man.

Deep Waters and a Bubbling Brook