Unusual Behaviour of a Dutiful Wife

This incident is set a thousand years before Christ, a thousand years and more before the apostle Paul was called upon to deal with marriage matters in his letters to the first Christians. It occurred in Israel under circumstances which call to mind the praise of a good wife recorded in Proverbs 31.10-31.

In this, we recall that a good wife is trusted by her husband. She has charge of the work of the household, domestic purchases, the control of the servants. She works hard and successfully at all the home industries which made a family community prosperous, not only manufacturing but also buying and selling. The result is that she can help the poor and store up for the future. She is wise and kind, and her husband basks in her success. "Many women have done wonderful things, but you've outclassed them all!" Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades. The woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the fear of God. Give her everything she deserves! Festoon her with praises! (vv.29-3 1, The Message).

It was a position like this that Abigail held, wife of Nabal in Carmel. From our twenty-first century perspective, we may look at the record in I Samuel 25 and wonder what sort of partnership Abigail and Nabal had. From the apostle Paul's perspective, he might have wondered whether she was properly submissive to her husband. Not knowing their intimate details, we cannot say. We have only one startling incident to go on.

It was sheep shearing time. In those lawless days their flocks had been protected by the outlaw David. Now his men claimed, politely, the reward for their protection. They asked on this special day to be given supplies from the feast being shared among the workers. Nabal, in his accustomed churlish manner, refused it, and sent the men packing. A dangerous thing to do, even if David was no ordinary gangster. Nabal went back to his excessive feasting and drunkenness.

Abigail heard the story of this. Where did her wifely duty lie? She thought first of protecting her husband, their property, and their lives. She understood what was likely to happen, even if Nabal did not.

She overruled Nabal's orders, and without telling him she provided a supply of food for David's six hundred men. Disobedience to husband? In speaking personally to David, she referred to her husband as an ill-natured fool (an accurate assessment - but should a wife speak in this way so publicly of her nearest and dearest?). Having successfully averted David's anger, she kept the whole matter secret from Nabal when he was merry and drunk (surely her duty was to tell him straight away, as was due to his position?). She waited till the morning to tell him, and her servants must have realised how she was deceiving her lord. When she did tell him, "his heart died within him".

It is difficult to fit Abigail into the role of wifely submission - she was no `little woman'. In her own right she was of good understanding. She was a sound psychologist in dealing with both Nabal and David. She appreciated what was fair and right in meeting the needs of the men who had protected their flocks. She had some vision of God's purpose for David and the people of Israel. She knew what qualities make a leader great, and she recalled David from anger to be his best self. She was not too proud to take the blame for the incident, and apologise for what her husband and her servants had done.

Set this against Paul's words, "Wives, be subject to your husbands... for the husband is the head of the wife.... subject in everything to their husbands" (Eph.5.22-4). If Abigail had been a Christian wife, ought she to have acted differently?

On the other hand, it is very possible that Nabal did not live up to Paul's expectation that a husband should "Love his wife as himself' (v.33). Though, for all we are told in scripture, he may indeed have loved Abigail extremely, and still have been a fool. Human relationships are never perfect - Paul taught an ideal for husbands and wives. Daily life is the test of how we live out that ideal. The rough and ready times when Nabal and Abigail lived brought no greater marital dilemmas than occur today.

We may pursue an ideal of mutual love and mutual submission, amid the personal problems that beset our lives. There are times when a husband, out of his love for his wife, will submit to her judgment - Paul's teaching cuts both ways when he says "be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ" (Eph.5.21). And if we take Abigail's example, there may be times when a wife's love for her husband actually prevents her from obeying him. For the marriage relationship consists of more than rules to obey, or precepts to follow, or status. We need to face each day with understanding, with kindness, and showing active sensible practical love.

We are told of no way that Abigail failed Nabal. If, after his death, she became David's wife, that is another story!